“Maybe They Don’t Know About the Bucket”

Submitted by Sharon Roberts

It’s happened to me again: a child teaching me a stunningly powerful lesson!  I never would have imagined that a cute, little six-year-old would have the solution to a vexing business issue, but she did…and then some!

My granddaughter D’Arcy’s face lit up as she happily told me about all the great things going on in her first grade class this year, including her pleasure that her best friend was with her and her relief that another girl, who had bullied the other children last year, was not.  Following her theme, I asked D’Arcy, “I wonder why it is that some children say and do mean and hurtful things to other children?”  With a thoughtful look on her face, D’Arcy answered, “Maybe they don’t know about the bucket.”  Noticing the perplexed look on my face, she inquired, “You don’t know about the bucket?”  I confessed that I didn’t, but assured her that I really did want to know.

This was her passionate explanation: “Everyone has an invisible bucket and everyone needs to get their bucket filled up.  You fill up their bucket when you say nice things to people and do nice things for them. And when you fill up their bucket, it fills up your bucket too!”

Talk about filling your bucket!  Mine was spilling over like a waterfall at this point…

She then went on to explain that it’s very important to be sure that we are “bucket fillers”—every day—to the members of our family and to our friends and teachers.  After a brief pause, a very concerned look came across her face as she continued, “You don’t want to be a bucket dipper and go dipping in people’s buckets!  See, everyone has a dipper too and when you say or do mean and hurtful things, you’re dipping into their bucket and that empties out their bucket and makes them very sad and makes them feel bad.  And when you dip into their bucket, it empties your bucket too and makes you feel sad too.  So, you don’t want to be a bucket dipper!  We want to be bucket fillers!”

A little while later, looking quite sad, she told me: “Sometimes I forget, and I’m a bucket dipper.  But Asher (her eight-year-old brother) reminds me I was a bucket dipper.  Then I apologize and that fills up his bucket and fills up my bucket too.”

I put my arms around her and hugged her close. D’Arcy had just shared a most powerful and beautiful lesson with me, one I was soon able to pass on to others at work.  I was curious to know where she learned about the bucket and dipper and asked her.  It turns out that the counselor at her school, Venesa Sokolovic, is sharing this powerful lesson with her students to help put an end to bullying in schools.  And Venesa has this teaching available to her thanks to another amazing woman, Carol McCloud, who created a wonderful book for children entitled Have You Filled a Bucket Today?

Back to my vexing business issue…I had been searching and meditating for “that special something” that would sink into the hearts of the deeply divided executive team I was flying off to work with in just three days.  I knew instantly that the bucket lesson was the very thing needed to help bridge the impasse.  And, oh what a gift it was!  The impact of the story on my clients was beyond the beyond. And it reportedly continues to ripple throughout the organization, including to family members.  The CEO is thrilled with what is happening and so am I.

This is very impactful for me personally as I see evidence of bullying in so many organizations.  Passionate counselors such as Venesa are helping to change this situation by reaching little ones early, helping them to understand that they are powerful in that they each contribute to creating a positive culture by making good choices in what they say and do with each interaction, every single day:  Stop – Think – Choose.  When they are having trouble choosing what to say or do, they are to ask themselves these questions: “Will this be good for them?”  And, “Will it also be good for me?”

The Bucket Story exemplifies a simple, profound process that can work for anyone; at any age and in any setting. I shared with Venesa my outcome at work and she was completely overcome!

Epilogue

I was very curious about the full history behind the bucket story and thought that you might be too.  Here is the rest of the story….

Carol McCloud, the woman who inspired Venesa, first heard the idea that a bucket symbolically represented a person’s self-concept—or mental and emotional health—at an early childhood conference in the 1990’s. It was Dr. Donald O. Clifton (1924-2003) who first created the “Dipper and Bucket” story in the 1960’s and it has been passed along ever since.  Dr. Clifton later went on to co-author, with his grandson Tom Rath, the New York Times bestseller How Full Is Your Bucket? The children’s version of the book is entitled How Full Is Your Bucket? for Kids.  Dr. Clifton was cited by the American Psychological Association as the Father of Strengths Psychology and the Grandfather of Positive Psychology.

What a gift to all of us!

So… how many buckets have you filled today?

Please use the link below share your thoughts with the Upside community.

And as a special bonus, here are few moments of beautiful words and music to help fill your bucket, so you can get out there and fill others’ buckets too!

What a Wonderful World

By Louis Armstrong

I see trees of green, red roses too

I see them bloom for me and you

And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white

The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night

And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky

Are also on the faces of people going by

I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do

They’re really saying I love you.

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow

They’ll learn much more than I’ll never know

And I think to myself what a wonderful world

Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.

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