On July 19, 2010, Shirley Sherrod (pictured above) was forced to resign from her position as Georgia State Director of Rural Development for the United States Department of Agriculture after blogger Andrew Breitbart posted “creatively edited” video excerpts of Sherrod’s address at a March 2010 NAACP event to his website.  The NAACP initially condemned her remarks, and U.S. government officials called on her to resign.

However, upon review of the unedited video in context, the NAACP and White House officials apologized and Sherrod was offered a new position which she ultimately chose not to accept.

After this incident, I was struck by her public statements which demonstrated a huge capacity for her dealing with adversity with authenticity, integrity and grace.

I watched a newscast following the incident and a reporter asked, “Shirley, how are you getting through all of this?” She told them that, if they knew what I have lived through, you would understand that these current challenges aren’t about to throw me off course.  She explained that when she was 17-years-old, her father was murdered by a white man in Baker County, Georgia.  There were three witnesses, but the grand jury refused to indict the person responsible.

“I knew I had to do something in answer to my father’s death.  That very night, I made a commitment that I would stay in the South and fight for change.  I have lived true to that commitment for 45 years”.

I was very moved by her story and her commitment to social reform.  I also loved the line she shared at the end of her interview that her mom imparted onto her following her dad’s death:

“Life is a grindstone. But whether it grinds us down or polishes us up depends on us”.

Suspect we can all take this sage advice to heart.

Contributed by  Steve Goldberg

Here’s an old idea worth revitalizing more commonly:  neighbors borrowing and sharing consumer items with fellow neighbors.

In our continued challenging economic times, many people are wary of buying items they’ll use just once or twice and then store in the garage.  NeighborGoods.net was created as a digital meeting place for users who are willing to lend things they own.

I remember as a child knowing my neighbors and sharing stuff, even making joint purchases.  I remember the day clearly, when my parents and two other neighbors decided to shop for and purchased a snow blower together.  I loved using the machine.   It sure beat the old shovel.   In fact, I often would do all three neighbors’ sidewalks and driveways, because I was having so much fun. The benefits of sharing tools, knowledge and the company of good people around me were enormous.  It remains as one of my fondest childhood memories.

Today, few of us know, speak with or help out our neighbors.  We pay a heavy price for our busy over-extended lives.

I recently moved into an old established neighborhood, where the tradition of people supporting and sharing with each other was alive and well.   It took some getting used to, but the benefits have been enormous.  For example, a few hours after our arrival, my next door neighbor came by with some homemade brownies.  My first thought was “oh my…will we be totally losing our privacy”…The reality is our neighbor is an amazingly warm, caring person who also enjoys her privacy.  She just wanted to let us know she was there if we needed anything.  We’ve met several other generous people here since, which has made it very easy for us to extend ourselves and become better neighbors.  Tools, ladders and recipes have been vigorously shared since our arrival.

Unfortunately, few of us live in such neighbourhoods, making sites like Neighbor Goods enormously useful for the economic benefits of sharing and the additional downstream benefits of reducing waste and increasing one’s social network– all good things in these challenging economic and environmental times.

As the site’s founder Micki Krimmel explains, “Whenever you add an item to the site, we ask you: ‘How much did you pay for it?’ And then whenever you lend that out, it tracks how much money you’ve saved for yourself, and also how much money you saved for your neighbors.”   Interestingly users can charge deposit or rental fees, but most people are happy to lend for free, just to take pleasure in helping a neighbor out.

So far the program operates in the U.S. although they are rapidly expanding.

Check out their site and short video about how the program works and how you can get involved in this great Upsiding idea.

www.neighborgoods.net

Contributed By Steve Goldberg

This week I received two emails in succession. One was from a daily motivation site www.tut.com. The post read:

In case you didn’t know, or couldn’t tell,
if you’re reading this right now on a computer

You’re rich.

If you have somewhere to go today,

You’re connected.

And if there is anyone, anywhere, who for any reason knows where you are in this moment,

You are loved.

I almost spilled my coffee after reading that passage.  How true!!

I then read the next email, from the Director of UNICEF’s Haiti initiative, Caryl M. Stern.  She wrote:

“These children need so much. Their schools and homes were destroyed. All face risk from malnutrition and disease, especially as the hurricane season begins.
UNICEF’s best and brightest team are working around the clock to provide:

• Nutrition supplies for 495,000 children and 200,000 pregnant or breast-feeding women;
• Millions of gallons of potable water;
• School-in-a-box kits and tents to serve as temporary classrooms;
• 8 new garbage disposal sites to serve 5 million people while sanitation facilities are rebuilt; and
• Additional field staff on border points where children are at risk of trafficking.

Even before the quake, Haiti’s children lacked the basics required to live full and productive lives: nutrients to support healthy development, schools to give structure and purpose. Play spaces to support mental and emotional well-being.

After reading these two emails in succession, it was a no-brainer for me to write a check. Haiti’s children need your help.

It also got me thinking. With all the unprecedented events we are in the middle of the past couple of years: economic collapses, natural and man-made disasters, it is easy to lose sight of yesterday’s unprecedented event.

What is exciting in Haiti is that there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Despite so many children living orphaned lives since the earthquake, many are actually living in higher quality living conditions. Despite living in tent cities many now have more secure access to shelter, healthy food, potable water and education.

So much more is needed in Haiti and other challenging places in our world. Consider contributing to a local or global cause that is important to you with your money, or time and/or expertise.  The world needs us more now than ever and as we have said before in these columns, “giving is one of the best ways to feel most alive”.

Make U.S. Fund for UNICEF, supporting UNICEF’s ongoing work for the children of Haiti

Make a Donation to UNICEF Canada’s 365 Days for Haiti Campaign

Contributed by Barbara Taylor

This is the second summer we’ve spent a week at a cottage on a small lake near Hayward, WI. One evening just after dusk, while gazing out the screen door at the reflected colors of sunset on the lake, we noticed some movement near the dock. It was a turtle, slowly thrashing this way and that, seemingly burrowing itself into the sandy ground. Ah…it was laying eggs! How wonderful!

We kept our distance and checked on her from time to time over the next hour or so, monitoring the tilted angle of her green shell and noting her obvious effort. Eventually, in the dark, we caught sight of her at the water’s edge. I slipped outside and quickly got closer, watching her glide easily into the lake and swim away. I then dragged a good-sized rock over to the area immediately beside the freshly-scratched earth where she’d deposited her stash and carefully covered it up.

Back inside the cottage my husband Jim and I agreed that, come morning, we’d source out some materials to cordon off area and hopefully protect her eggs from human feet and other hazards that might prevent the successful hatching of her offspring.

Morning arrived…and with it, Jim’s announcement that the eggs were gone! Claw marks surrounded the area of churned up sand. Scattered nearby were two blobs of whitish membranes. The reality sank in: she was robbed! Some creature must have scented out the fresh, warm eggs and made a meal of them.

My first response was a sense of shock and surprise, followed by a wave of disappointment and frustration. Despite an intellectual acceptance of the laws of Mother Nature, it really seemed unfair to me that those eggs didn’t have a chance to survive. I was incredulous for a while and then reconciled myself to the fact that there was nothing I could do, it wasn’t my fault, and the turtle herself would have no inkling that her tiny eggs became a nighttime snack for some four-footed thief.

Today, some two weeks after this incident, I was in the midst of my morning reading when Jon Kabat-Zinn’s words jumped off the page and brought the forgotten images of the turtle freshly back to mind:

(Patience) is a remembering that things unfold in their own time. The seasons cannot be hurried. Spring comes, the grass grows by itself. Being in a hurry usually doesn’t help, and it can create a great deal of suffering—sometimes in us, sometimes in those who have to be around us….Patience is an ever present alternative to the mind’s endemic restlessness and impatience. Scratch the surface of impatience and what you will find lying beneath it, subtly or not so subtly, is anger. It’s the strong energy of not wanting things to be the way they are and blaming someone (often yourself) or something for it. This doesn’t mean you can’t hurry when you have to. It is possible even to hurry patiently, mindfully, moving fast because you have chosen to.

From Wherever You Go There You Are, 1994

I had never previously made such a distinct and clear connection between impatience and anger! I equate impatience with impatience…meaning, an arising experience of restlessness and disagreement with the way things are or seem to be going. To equate all impatience with some degree of anger was a revelation to me.

Things happen because other things happen

Why the turtle and her thwarted eggs came back to mind at this time is still a mystery I’m pondering. Here was a creature who worked hard to ‘do her thing’ according to her natural instincts. Consequently, another of Nature’s creatures did its thing just as successfully: searching out the next meal, doing the necessary work to obtain it, and nourishing its body with the ingested nutrients. Was either of these creatures impatient with their role in the events? Not likely. Why then was I, a human spectator, angry at the outcome? I’m sure I can come up with reasons, but none of them are worth holding onto. Things happen because other things happen! Nothing is separate and isolated. My homework awaits me!

Try this:

Kabat-Zinn invites us to look into impatience and anger when they arise. He suggests we see if we can adopt a different perspective, one which sees things as unfolding in their own time. This can be especially helpful when we are pressured and blocked in something we want or need to do. His advice:

• Hard as it may seem, try not to push the river in that moment but listen carefully to it instead.
• What does it tell you?
• What is it telling you to do?
• If nothing, then just breathe, let things be as they are, let go into patience, continue listening.
• If the river tells you something, then do it, but do it mindfully. Then pause, wait patiently, listen again.
• Through it all, we attempt to bring balance to the present moment, understanding that in patience lies wisdom, knowing that what will come next will be determined in large measure by how we are now.

By Steve Goldberg

Last week Michele Fogal shared a wonderful story about a communication between she and her young son, describing how challenging it can be to understand and respond appropriately to another’s needs. I would like to continue with this thread.

We’ve spoken a lot in these columns about how to be resilient and resourceful during challenging times, but less about how to help another through challenging times.

Let me start with a personal story of my own.  I had not seen Janet, a new acquaintance of mine for several months.  One evening I ran into her.  I mentioned I had not seen her for quite awhile and asked how she was.

There was a pause… She then said she was going through some personal issues.  I saw tears forming in her eyes.   It became very quiet between us.  She then informed me that she had lost her son to cancer…

There was a further pause to let all this sink in and I then asked if I could give her hug.  She looked right into my eyes and then said yes.  I gently hugged her allowing her to take the lead.  She hugged back tentatively and then more strongly and more tears flowed.  She then whispered to me… “You’ve been there”… I shook my head and acknowledged that yes I had.  I said nothing more.

We both needed to move on.  I told her if she needed anything to not hesitate to be in touch.

Several weeks later we met and spoke more about her son, the grief we both were experiencing (I had recently lost my dad and my mom was terminally ill) and the support we provided each other.

We spoke about how hard and rare it is for most people to appropriately “be there” for another person in distress.  From this experience 4 key tips come to mind for being more helpful towards another during challenging times:

• Be present and responsive.  Let the other person take the lead.  Like many things in life, less is more!; we rarely need to say very much; what is key is giving the other person space to respond as they see fit.
• Be careful about assuming what the other person needs.  It is very easy to be way off.
• Watch your own emotions and personal history be stimulated by another’s’ challenging circumstances.  Be careful not to use this as an opportunity to talk about your own challenges. This happens much more than you think;  often in our haste to let another know “we understand”, we slip into our own stories or ideas of what would be helpful
• Allow for pauses.  In our busy, overfilled lives, we often become uncomfortable with quiet; allowing for quiet pauses can be one of the greatest gifts for being present and supportive to another.

Further exploration of this topic can be found in a soon to be released TED talk by Israeli born, Hedy Schleifer.  Hedy is a brilliant and insightful relationship expert who speaks eloquently about the Power of Connection.  A pre-release copy of this talk which can be found below:

Contributed by Michele Fogal

I remember the first time that I talked to my daughter about God. It came up at bedtime, as these things do… 4 year olds are so clever at finding those stay-up-later ticket items. So she asked me, “What is God?” and believe me, I had been thinking about this. What would I say to her?

Above all, I wanted her to be free to make her own decisions about God. I didn’t want to tell her that God was this or that; I wanted to give her all the ideas I could and then let her pick which ones felt good to her. I wanted her to have her own private, self constructed concept of what HER God was and how this entity related to her and she to it.

So, almost holding my breath, I started talking about it.

“Well, some people believe that God is a man.” She looked at me waiting for me to tell her what to believe. I felt the importance of the moment hovering in the air like electricity. “And some people think that he is a woman.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, a jolt ran through me. Uh oh. I’d said HE!

She smiled as though I’d given her the answer she’d been looking for, and said, “But they’re wrong aren’t they.” Unwittingly, I had told her what to think. Her first image of God was male and although I tried to back track, it felt like there was no undoing that inadvertent slip of the tongue. Disappointment washed over me.

It’s been a few years since that conversation, and my son is now 4 years old. He loves to put his fingers in my hair when we hug, to pucker up his pink lips for a kiss and to make his little squeak of delight as I wrap my arms around him. When I look at him, his eyebrows or the way he smiles, my heart moves almost painfully in my chest. Our smiles form an unbroken circle of pure love.

Suddenly the moment was again upon me. “What is God Mum?” he asked.

I took a deep breath, determined not to mess it up this time. “Well some people believe that God is a giant cloud of love that’s all around us all the time and inside of us too.” He looked at me and opened his arms. I wrapped my arms around him. “Mummy?” he said putting his fingers into my hair.

“Mm hmm?”

“I think we have God,” he said close to my ear. My breath caught. I’d never thought of God as something that you had. I’d tried so hard to shake my own images of God as a person that it hadn’t occured to me what it would be like to really believe that God is love.

All this time I had been focusing on what I wanted to teach them. As their primary parent, my input seemed so important to the form and shape of their thoughts and concepts. And yet, in the end, he had something to teach me. He could immediately identify God within himself and his relationships. It was right here between us. It was our utter delight in each other, our unconditional love.

“That’s right,” I said. “We have God,” and I hugged him tight.

www.hugsquad.com

Questions:

1. Have you ever set out to teach and found yourself learning instead?
2. Have you ever found wisdom in unexpected places?
3. Have you ever found your world tilted and seen things from a new and startling perspective?

Please share your answers below…

Contributed By Steve Goldberg

Get ready to be dazzled. Meet eleven year old Amiya Alexander (photo above right foreground). She is Detroit’s youngest entrepreneur. The inspiration for her exciting business venture occurred when Amiya was 9. During a nighttime dream she imagined and then drew several sketches of her pink school bus with an outfitted dance studio.

Amiya’s mom Teberah Alexander, 30, a registered nurse who owns a home health care company, is her biggest supporter, though she wasn’t overjoyed when she first heard Amiya’s plan.

“It was 1 a.m.,” Teberah recalls, “and Amiya said, ‘Mommy, wake up. I’m going to need a pink bus.’ I was like, ‘Can you go back to bed?’ She said, ‘I have a business plan. I want to help you as a single mom, and I want to help kids stay healthy.’”

Much to her surprise on Christmas Day 2008, Amiya’s got her wish. Her mom skimped and saved and purchased a 1998 school bus, that she had painted pink and transformed into a mini dance studio based on Amiya’s sketches.

Amiya is now CEO and president of Amiya’s Dance Academy that aims to fight obesity by traveling throughout Detroit in a pink school bus with a dance studio directly inside.

Amiya’s home state of Michigan has the 10th highest national obesity rate (almost 30% of the population) and Amiya has created one of the more innovative approaches to help young people enjoy exercise and feeling good about themselves. One of the challenges of reducing childhood obesity particularly in inner city neighborhoods is providing safe places for young people to be physically active. Amiya’s Dance Bus- Fighting the Obesity Epidemic One Beat at a Time was just the ticket.

In additional to providing a safe place to exercise Amiya promises “You will have so much fun… you won’t even realize you are “working out”!

Amiya’s school bus driven by her great-uncle travels to schools, childcare centers, summer camps, churches and private parties in Detroit and its suburbs. Each week, she teaches dozens of students, ballet, tap, jazz, hip-hop and salsa. Based on her business success, Amiya has already been able to hire two other dance instructors to teach while she’s in school and to assist with birthday parties.

Last October, Amiya founded the nonprofit Rising Stars Dance with Me Program to fund scholarships for children who can’t afford lessons. Some day, she hopes to open a performing arts center in Detroit.

Amiya is motivated by her desire to attend Harvard Medical School and to become a doctor.

A parent of one of Amiya dance students summed it up best, “There are so many people who have a good idea, but don’t carry it out…Amiya got this idea at 10 and had the conviction and commitment to go for her dream. She’s a fabulous role model for my little girl.”

I would suggest that Amiya is a great model for all of us.

Check out the video clip below of Amiya’s story and her teaching a live dance class to her students:

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=6525412n&tag=api

What dreams lie inside you that need to come out and make a difference in the lives of others?

I went for an early morning walk along a favourite Atlantic coast beach in Florida the other week.  The lapping waves, cool breeze and pristine sand always have such a calming effect on me.  Not this time….I was overwhelmed with sadness…The day before we were informed that oil tar balls were washing up on the Florida’s Gulf coast.  Depending on winds and current, it could also eventually make its way here as well.

Like so many of us I feel helpless and angry.  I can’t watch the news feeds.  My imagination is creating enough pictures in my mind…

He shares a compelling and hopeful perspective as he reflects upon the events that led up to the creation of Earth Day 40 years ago. 

Krugman reminds us that Earth Day and Environmentalism began as a response to pollution that everyone could see. The spill in the Gulf is reminiscent of the 1969 oil spill that coated the beaches of Santa Barbara.  It was also the year the Cuyahoga River, which flows through Cleveland, caught fire.   Lake Erie was widely declared “dead,” its waters contaminated by algal blooms. And major U.S. cities — including Los Angeles — were often layered in thick unhealthy smog.

Yet there was a downside to this success story writes Krugman,  “As visible pollution diminished, so did public concern over environmental issues“.

Now let’s fast forward to the present.  Suddenly, environmental destruction is in the public view again.  Will this spur people and legislation to action? 

The catastrophe in the Gulf offers an opportunity for change.  And if that happens, some Upsides may yet come of this ecological nightmare.

Contributed By:  Heidi Kistler

I have always wanted the perfect family event based on one of those charming, yet perfect Currier and Yves, Norman Rockwell holiday scenes. But no matter how hard I have tried to make it happen —perfect menu, table setting, ambience, timing–it rarely materialized. In fact, a mini catastrophe often was the outcome of these “perfect” gatherings and everyone was stressed, including me.

After many years of trying to fix, plan and improve our family celebrations, I think I’m learning the lesson: detach, let go, embrace uncertainty, relinquish the need to control the outcome.

These days I am more relaxed and willing to take that leap of faith and be open to what is happening rather than trying to control how things should unfold. That doesn’t mean that my intention has changed.

I still dream about a warm and loving family gathering. I still plan a menu and create a pleasant ambience, but I’ve given up my attachment to the outcome. Thus, at a recent family gathering, when the glass platter holding 10 steaks splattered on the ceramic tile floor, I had a chance to walk the talk… detach, observe and be surprised. And guess what, it all worked out…not a la Martha, but a la life, here and now.

Family members had a chance to bond while cleaning shattered glass and food, others pitched in to reconfigure the menu, and we created another bit of family lore to add to our “remember when” tales. And I am learning to dream, do, and detach.

1. How have you dealt with “perfectionitis” in your life?
2. What tips do you have for the rest of us?

Contributed By Heidi Kistler

Buddy, my friend’s three year old dog, died last week from complications  resulting from a car accident. My friend had adopted Buddy after she found him abandoned in a garbage dumpster. Initially, her family was not thrilled with this new addition to the household, especially not the ten-year old grumpy, golden retriever named Sam.

Nevertheless, neither growl nor displays of dominance deterred Buddy.  He seemed to be happy just to be alive, and spent the  next two and a half years being playful and spreading his joy among his new family and anyone who crossed his path.

When someone in the family was sick, Buddy would bring quiet comfort and healing as he lay by the bed. When there was trouble in the house, Buddy would hang around offering  his enthusiastic support.  He never tired of trying to cheer up and endear himself to old grumpy Sam.

But Sam continued to dismiss the younger dog in his condescending, nippy way until Buddy came home from the vet after his car accident. Sam suddenly took an interest in Buddy whose inactivity and deliberate movements were painful to watch. He would approach Buddy, sniff, observe and wait while Buddy remained inert.

After a week, Buddy died.   His cycle was complete. “If the purpose of a tree is to grant us shelter, Buddy’s purpose was simply love,” my friend said, a few days later. Moreover, Buddy’s gentleness, affection and playfulness rubbed off on the household.”While Sam became a nicer dog, the rest of us in the family became more aware of Buddy’s kind and gentle disposition and we responded to that,” my friend explained.

Buddy’s brief life also taught her about the ebb and flow of life’s energy. All we can do about it is to make the most of what we have and let go with grace when the time comes. Every life has its season and its gifts.  Buddha come in all forms, shapes and sizes, my friend reminded me.  They simply are themselves and by observing them with openness, we learn, recognize their gifts and accept the riches of the moment.

Have you learned a life lesson from an unexpected or unlikely teacher?