Contributed by Heidi Kistler
In his book, After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, Buddhist scholar Jack Kornfield describes illness as a gateway, an invitation to deepen our connection with life, to become more aware and compassionate for the suffering of others.
I walked through Jack Kornfield’s gateway nearly two decades ago and I was not smiling. In fact, I was profoundly sad and listless. Life seemed quite meaningless after a surgery triggered depression and deep unhappiness.
For two decades prior to this event, I had been working in a psychiatric hospital specializing in treating patients with severe mental illnesses. While being caring and concerned, I was foremost a professional, clinically and emotionally removed from “them”, the patients.
“There, for the grace of God” was as close as I would go to imagining what it was like to be mentally ill. So when that gateway to sickness opened, my perspective was no longer that of an observer, but a participant. I felt what it was like to live without joy, without hope… not to care about anything, to be helpless.
Although, my depression was short lived, it changed me. Once “recovered,” I no longer viewed the patients as “them;” I didn’t merely see a mentally ill person before me, but a fellow traveler. I became more compassionate and tender in my daily encounters and was more conscious of my connection with life around me.
With this new awareness, did I have more impact on the patients’ lives? Difficult to say, but I do know that sickness is able to provide life-affirming lessons, and can be more instructive than an advanced college course.
How has adversity, illness, major challenges in life provided a gateway for you?
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Amen, Wendy. Mental illness is so much more in the open today, with affected family members and friends forming powerful alliances to bring light and understanding to this often devastating illness… which does not discriminate.
thank you for talking about your experience with depression, heidi. i’m sure this piece will encourage others to talk about mental illness, lessening the stigma and shame, in the hope that one day mental illness will be viewed and funded on the same level as physical illnesses.